Tall Tales
by Sisimka
Summary: Alistair and Aedan have the 'Lamppost Licking' conversation. Neither will admit to being a virgin and some tall tales follow. Rated M for VERY suggestive content.


I have been known, on the odd occasion, to write for the infamous DA 'kink-meme'. Here's one of the entries I don't mind admitting to as it features my two favourite wardens. I do tend to poke a lot of fun at Alistair on the meme, but we only tease those we love, right? And for Aedan to be this innocent, it would have to be an alternate universe. I have to admit, I do love this version of Aedan, though. It sounds just like him, only maybe five years younger.

* * *

Tall Tales

"So, if you were raised in the Chantry, have you never…?" Aedan raised a brow in Alistair's direction in what he hoped might be a knowing look.

"Never…? Never what? Had a new pair of shoes?" Alistair's brow matched his own and Aedan twisted his mouth to avoid smiling. Toy with him, would he?

"You know what I mean."

"I'm not sure I do. Have I never seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"

Aedan laughed at the mental image of Alistair standing outside the Chantry with his tongue firmly attached to a lamppost.

Alistair grinned and let his brows do that thing, where one went up and the other went down and Aedan laughed harder. When he had regained his breath, he pressed the issue.

"I'm talking about sex." Though he'd kept his voice quiet, it seemed a sudden stillness fell over the camp as he said that one word and it echoed in his ears.

"Oh, so _that's_ what we're talking about!" Alistair's expression clearly conveyed he'd know all along and Aedan felt a little foolish. Alistair's eyes took on a mischievous glint. "You tell me first."

Aedan flushed. He thanked the Maker the moon had hidden behind the clouds this evening and that his fellow warden would likely not detect the colour rising across his cheeks. He cleared his throat and said boldly, "Well of course I have, many times, in fact! I was _not_ raised in a Chantry, you know."

He closed his mouth then, feeling that if he spoke any further words might run away from him.

Alistair looked over at him appraisingly before adding his comment. "I, too, have done it, _that_, many times. There were plenty of, um, opportunities for us rambunctious boys to get out and about."

Aedan rubbed his hands together. Perfect, he'd get Alistair to share a story, get some ideas, perhaps a hint, before he had to divulge his own…secrets. "Oh, such as?"

Alistair blinked. "You, ah, want to hear about it?"

"Isn't that what friends do, share stories?"

"About…that, um, sex?" Perhaps the night was not as dark as it seemed, Aedan could detect a slight flush in the other warden's cheeks.

Aedan decided to brazen this one out. "Sure. Zevran and I were swapping stories of our conquests just last night." Ooh, CONQUESTS, that was a good one. Aedan silently congratulated himself.

Alistair cleared his throat and studied his hands a moment, appearing for all the world as if he sorted through various stories in his mind, deciding which one to share.

"Well, ah, one of the lay sisters at the Chantry had quite the reputation, you see. Her, um, breasts were massive!" Alistair held up both hands squeezed in demonstration, his eyes wide and ogling.

Aedan's own eyes widened and he nodded encouragingly. "Go on… did you, you know?"

Alistair continued squeezing thin air as he nodded sagely. "Oh, yes, twice in one night! We did _it_ behind the bookcase in the Chantry library." He winked as if to invite acknowledgement of this daring escapade.

Aedan grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "I, too, have done _it_ behind a bookcase. We had a library at Highever, a large library, plenty of bookcases in there."

Alistair dropped his hands and quirked a brow. "Oh, and who did you take behind the bookcase then?"

Aedan wracked his brain. Who? "Er, Delilah Howe, she's a friend of the family. Oh, and the maid, somebody's maid, her too."

"Two women behind the bookcase! Quite the popular spot that." Alistair chuckled and Aedan let his shoulders drop in relief. Why on earth had he picked Delilah Howe? He would _liked_ to have done _it_ behind the bookcase, or anywhere in fact, with Delilah. His eyes glazed over in memory of her generous bosom.

Alistair tapped him on the shoulder. "Good memory I see, care to share?" Interest and eagerness shone in the ex-templar's eyes and Aedan swallowed drily.

"Well, her breasts," he mimicked Alistair's air-grope only stretched his fingers even further apart, "were almost too big, you know? They got in the way of, um, the other bit."

Alistair nodded knowingly. "One of the sisters had that problem, I don't know how she stood up straight. So tell me, did she, you know, go down there, with her mouth?"

Aedan noticed that his fellow warden's ears had gone pink. He nodded enthusiastically. "Did she ever! Favourite thing to do, I had to keep changing my pants she made them so wet with that tongue of hers." Oh Maker, he had NO IDEA what he was talking about. He should have left out the bit about the pants, right? You'd have to take your pants off for that part…

Alistair's eyebrows quirked again. "You left your pants on?"

"Well, for speedy getaways, the library could get quite… busy."

"Oh, right, yes of course. Big readers in your family, or where they all using the bookcases similarly?"

Aedan laughed at the mental image of his mother and father doing _it_ behind a bookcase. "So what about you, Alistair, any _lip action_ down there." LIP ACTION, nice one! Aedan mentally patted himself on the back once again.

Alistair chewed his lip a moment before replying. "Well, yes, as a matter of fact. We had a sister with really big lips and the rumour was that her mouth got so big from her favourite hobby, so I decided to check the truth behind the tales."

Aedan nodded eagerly. "Uh huh, go on."

"She took my pants down, the Chantry has rather a large library, you see, plenty of nooks and crannies. Then she licked me all over."

Aedan tried to imagine this and found he couldn't. Licking? "I thought it involved _blowing_, not licking? Perhaps the sisters have their own methods?"

Alistair waved a hand at him. "I'm getting to that bit! She licked me all over and then she blew on me, cool breaths." Alistair shivered and Aedan did too. That sounded nice. He looked down at his crotch and swallowed. Maker's breath, think boring thoughts, _boring_ thoughts. He took a deep breath.

His voice sounded a little weird as he enquired, "So did you, um, you know, peak?" His voice squeaked on the word peak and he mentally berated himself for the phonetic choice.

"Well of course I did, all over her robe. She had to get changed."

"See, that's where the whole leaving your pants on bit comes in handy, less mess."

They nodded at one another as if they had swapped the most valuable advice.

Aedan cleared his throat. "So, the actual _act_, did you do that with the sister with the big breasts or the one with the big lips?"

"Both!"

"Uh huh, where they good?"

Alistair nodded so hard his head bobbed atop his shoulders. "I had both of them at the same time, once!"

Aedan goggled at him. "Really? Alistair, I had no idea you were such a lady's man!"

"Well, I hide it behind this cool façade of innocence."

"And well! So tell me, how do you have two women at the same time?"

"It's all very acrobatic, one of them bounced up and down over my… you know, and the other one… well I licked her." Alistair's ears were very definitely pink now. Must have been a good memory.

"Bouncing, yes, that's a good technique, I've used that one myself." Aedan didn't really like the word bouncing, it didn't sound SEXY enough. But if Alistair was going to use it, so be it.

"How does the man bounce? I'll admit my experience might be somewhat limited in comparison to yours, having only Chantry sisters to… play with." Alistair looked interested.

Bouncing it was then. Aedan scratched his chin. "Well, you have to lay her down and then when you, enter her, you start bouncing, you know, helps with the whole in and out bit."

Alistair nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I can see that, I'd always thought of that part more as thrusting."

THRUSTING! A much better word. "Yes, I use thrusting too, the ladies _love_ thrusting. Now, tell me more about this licking. I wouldn't admit this to just anyone, but I've yet to lick a woman _there_. Delilah was a bit squeamish about it and well, you just never know where a maid has been, do you?"

Alistair grinned and spread his hands as if to indicate a bounty. "Aedan, you are missing out! Ambrosia! It tastes like _cheese_, the best kind of cheese. I could lick a woman all day."

Aedan's eyebrows nearly hit his hairline in shock. "Cheese?"

"MmHm and they like it when you chew a little bit."

Aedan wished he could take notes. "Chewing, eh?"

Alistair put his shoulders back and nodded proudly. "I had quite the reputation at the Chantry. My love of cheese is well known."

Aedan nodded. "Right, right, so back to this bouncing part. She was on top of you? Is it better that way?"

Alistair shook his head sadly. "I really didn't expect to have more experience than you, Aedan, where have you been? Of course it's better, they are… um… tighter that way. And you get to see their bosom jiggle up and down."

Aedan imagined Delilah's bosom jiggling up and down and had to lick his lips. How could he compete with that, think, _think_! "Well, when you… um… take a woman from behind, you can reach forward and squeeze, and they hang right down into your hands."

Alistair gulped. "You've done it that way? Um, you didn't get confused about which, you know, entrance?"

Aedan scowled. He'd heard stories… but no, he didn't want to go there, literally or figuratively. "It doesn't fit in the other one, Alistair, don't worry about that!"

"Ah, of course. So, how long does it take you to come, can you go all night?"

COME! That's what he should have said instead of this squeaky _peak_ nonsense. "Oh, well, I can come five times in a night, but one time I managed to keep going with Delilah for three hours beforehand. That's when I took her from behind, it's the whole positioning thing." Aedan raised his hands and tilted them as if to demonstrate certain angles.

Alistair's eyes widened and gave his own crotch a protective look. "Three hours? Weren't you… sore?"

"She licked me afterwards. Pants off this time, I didn't have any, um, stuff left." Could you call that _stuff_ COME too? He was pretty sure he'd heard Fergus refer to is as such. Useful word that, he'd never be able to think of it in quite the same way again. "Oh, and it was late, we didn't expect anyone to find us in the library."

"Right."

Zevran slipped from shadow and sat on the opposite side of the fire and gazed from Aedan to Alistair. "So, my friends, are you finished telling TALL TALES, or may I join in?"


End file.
